Timeless Advice, Dated Text: A Review of Choosing Civility by P.M. Forni

Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct by P.M. Forni

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

For the first two decades of the 21st century, American culture has been characterized by a coarsening of our civil society. Politics and politicians have become more ideologically polarized and prone to see opponents as enemies to be totally destroyed rather than as the loyal opposition. Adding fuel to the fire has been social media, which through anonymity and filter bubbles has led to less tolerance and patience with those who disagree with us. To our credit, Americans have recognized this declining civility and this book offers some timeless advice, even though its text is a little dated.

Dr. Forni co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility Project in 1997 and promoted civility as both an academic and public lecturer until his death in 2018.  This book is one of the early products of that work.  Broken into three parts, Dr. Forni examines the societal and philosophical necessities for civility in daily life in the first and third parts, but also expands the definition beyond just speaking respectfully to others.  To Dr. Forni, civility also includes our actions towards others, towards animals and the natural world, and how we treat ourselves.  The bulk of the book’s value comes in the second part where Dr. Forni lays out his 25 rules for civility.  Each rule is accompanied with a couple of short pages on why the rule is important and some real-world examples of its use (or lack of use).  With such advice as “Accept and Give Praise”, “Respect Other People’s Time” and “Don’t Shift Responsibility and Blame”, it is hard to find fault with any of his advice.  This book has already helped me to reflect on some of my prior actions and resolve to do better in the future, which is what all advice books such as this should aim to do. 

That said, this is a book that was first published in 2002, so some of the text is a little dated.  For example, Dr. Forni calls cell phones “portable phones”, talks about using your own credit card to pay for long distance calls, and since social media platforms such as Facebook didn’t yet exist, he only makes a passing mention of civility on “internet message boards.”  As much of our current concerns about incivility in society center around behavior on the internet, it is a shame that such a good book is too old to directly address the topic.  And though much of Dr. Forni’s advice could be applied to this sphere, it would be nice if someone would come along and update this text.

Incivility is a national issue, as evidenced in its most extreme form in the Capitol Insurrection on Jan. 6, 2021.  The solution to this will not come from government, but rather from society and individuals working together to show mutual respect to our neighbors and their views.  While the text of this book is in need of updating, its advice is absolutely timeless.  It’s easy to read size and format also means that this is a relatively quick read, though I would concur with Dr. Forni’s advice that you try to read this book at a slow pace and mull over everything that has been written.  Overall, I highly recommend this book to everyone looking to improve civility and respect in our society.

View all my reviews